just when you think that you there is no possible way out of this tunnel....you see it..or you think you see something...what was it a flicker, a strobe, what???you stop and stare and stare until you confirm you are not going insane...light....WAHOOOOO...there is light at the end of the tunnel...for somebody that is scared of the dark there is nothing more huge in life...
well i have seen the flicker of light...put my pride aside and accepted help...i got a place to live and and a ticket to arizona...yes i know i said that i was not going to do this, but there is only so much this fat man can take...
last thursday night when i got kicked out of the airport i think i hit bottom...i walked around down town portland crying all night long...yes you read it right CRYING...that is the most alone the most alone i have ever felt...a thousand times more alone than when my father died...man that is a shitty thing to say...i cant believe that i just wrote that...but it is true...
this is not going to be easy for me...not only do i have to go back to phx but i need to try and rebuild some of the bridges that i have burned...dan i am sorry...maybe if i get straight with you, you can find it in your heart to forgive me....it was the last thing that i wanted to do was hurt or take away from your family....
so it begins friday night at 6:40pm...the long journey to ass kissing...well at least pride will not get in the way...there is nothing left...and to my one supporter i am happy just to be connected with you and we dont have talk...just knowing that you are there...THANK YOU!
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