trust me it is not as bad as the title sounds...i just dont have anything that i am passionate about in my life...i mean it seems that things are once again turning a new direction for me but there is nothing that has grabbed me and consumed me...i want that i yearn for that...what am i missing...am i to scared to realize it or even to start it...what ever it may be...i dont know...
so enough of the self loathing crybaby shit...i have updates for you...although i seem pretty good at the oh me oh my bullshit if i do say so myself...seems to me that i have learned more in the last 3 months than i have learned in the previous 40yrs...i have learned that i am not a good listener like i thought i was...huh? did you say something?...anyway i have learned that i am also not a very good communicator...not a very good realization when my life job is all about communication...oh well...
i am still living in sin...and i so enjoy it...i mean really whats not to like...i have clean boxers and socks when ever i need them...and if there was food in the house i might even get a meal or two...but that is my bad...i just dont make enough money...or haven't been..once again that seems to be turning too...wahoo...
as far as the life change aka diet and workout plan...well how do i put this...hummm...well dont be disappointed but i have stop going to the gym...yes it is true...and get this shit i have managed to still loose a few pounds...i guess my # is down to about 432 to 434 lbs...that is still a long way away from the goal of 300 but it great to know that i am still on the right path...despite what jenfer says...
so tomorrow is pay day thank god...because i am not as flush as i once was...i mean i still have the two accounts and all...one has .70 in it and the other has .80...for a grand total of $1.50...well at least tomorrow i might be able to get back to zero...yipeeee...
so here i sit on a sunday night watching jersey shore on the ever vigilant quest to learn more about relationships..like if you buy a girl a watch for upwards of $500 you are her boyfriend...dam i have not done that yet...nor do i have the zing to do it...does that mean i am not boyfriend material...oh my god i am now so nervous...i also have to admit that i just watched letters to juliette...and to top it off i watched it during the colts giants game...man what does that say about me...well i guess it time for me to go reflect more if you have a comment dont be shy let me know...and as usual GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!!!!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
In Case You Are Wondering A Phillipino Mail Order Bride Is Very EXPENSIVE! I Settled On One From Louisiana...
so how are you doing? it has been a while i know...i am not sure i remember how to do this...so please bare with me...so much has happened in my life i am not sure where to begin...so guess lets start with the basics...i am still working...barely...still got a place to live...thank god because i dont think the phoenix airport is as nice as the portland airport...
i am still working on the whole life change thing...i guess...i am sad to say my time at the woman's gym has come to an end...i think that i wore out my welcome and started to piss the ladies off...also it was getting to be to expensive for me...i just would like to take a moment and say thank you for everything you taught me there...and just to let you know that just because i might not be going there right now and you have not heard from me in a while i have taken what you have taught me and am tring to apply in my daily life still...my last weigh in was a good one...although it was a month and a half i was down to 438lbs..almost 70 ponds gone since the beginning...that has made the country club board of directors go into a special session and allowed me to come back...wahoo...
so there i am going back to the country club when i decide that i need to shake things up some more in my life...are you ready? really you might wanna make sure you are sitting down for this...i am now living with someone...and a female someone to top it off...and you wanna hear the craziest part about this whole thing she is here by her choice...freewill it is the damnedest thing...to top it off she cooks cleans and does laundry...holy shit how did this happen to me...and there are other benefits too..well i am not sure that i can go into those, but let me tell from i hear they can be mind blowing too...i cant wait to find out...so if anyone is in need i can send you the catalog i used to pick out my girl...
no really holly decided she is done with skinny cowboys and wants to try a true fat white guy..so she is here and we are giving it a go...it has been pretty awesome so far but there is still time for the dave factor to come into play so stay tuned....
well thats all i have to say about that...i promise i will be back at least twice a month if not more so stay tuned...thank you for your patience...and i can not wait to talk at you again...as always good night and good luck....
i am still working on the whole life change thing...i guess...i am sad to say my time at the woman's gym has come to an end...i think that i wore out my welcome and started to piss the ladies off...also it was getting to be to expensive for me...i just would like to take a moment and say thank you for everything you taught me there...and just to let you know that just because i might not be going there right now and you have not heard from me in a while i have taken what you have taught me and am tring to apply in my daily life still...my last weigh in was a good one...although it was a month and a half i was down to 438lbs..almost 70 ponds gone since the beginning...that has made the country club board of directors go into a special session and allowed me to come back...wahoo...
so there i am going back to the country club when i decide that i need to shake things up some more in my life...are you ready? really you might wanna make sure you are sitting down for this...i am now living with someone...and a female someone to top it off...and you wanna hear the craziest part about this whole thing she is here by her choice...freewill it is the damnedest thing...to top it off she cooks cleans and does laundry...holy shit how did this happen to me...and there are other benefits too..well i am not sure that i can go into those, but let me tell from i hear they can be mind blowing too...i cant wait to find out...so if anyone is in need i can send you the catalog i used to pick out my girl...
no really holly decided she is done with skinny cowboys and wants to try a true fat white guy..so she is here and we are giving it a go...it has been pretty awesome so far but there is still time for the dave factor to come into play so stay tuned....
well thats all i have to say about that...i promise i will be back at least twice a month if not more so stay tuned...thank you for your patience...and i can not wait to talk at you again...as always good night and good luck....
Monday, May 3, 2010
A Night With Dancing With The Stars And Broccoli...How Gay Am I?
so here i sit watching dancing with the stars...just finished a fine meal of a cheese burger and broccoli questioning my manhood? i mean what hetro male that lives alone admits to watching dancing with the stars when playoff basketball is on? by the way go suns kill the spurs...back to the question ... i guess i do because for the life me i don't know why but here i sit...have you seen what these ladies are wearing or more importantly not wearing....holy shit...there is no way that there are women that look like that out there...and if there is when i become skinnier and vain watch the fuck out....
so i am still going strong on the life change plan...had a weigh in 2day...down 38 lbs total...almost at my first real goal of being in the 450s...how dumb does that sound getting excited about the possibility of weighing 450 frickin pounds...still working out not like a mad man yet but i have managed to add day and things seem to be getting easier for me to accomplish...now don't get the wrong idea they are taxing me so don't think i am slacking...i am just not getting as winded or sore any more thank god....jillian and bob would be so proud of me...now just need to get the mental thing in line and i my have a chance to be a complete man...nahhhhh...but maybe....
work, well that on the other hand has not been so easy...let me tell how retarded i am...what kind of idiot takes a check over the phone for $10k...well this idiot does...and guess what....you sitting down...thats right it FUCKING bounced...along with it bouncing which from the last time i saw it.. it is still going with little sign of slowing down...it took $600 out of my pocket and even worse in my eyes, i cost the company money and did not pay for myself last month...oh well i guess i need short memory...what was i talking about oh yea the hotties on dancing with the stars and how i am going to become a ballroom dancer...
for my last update i did in fact not get the promotion i put in for....i knew i was not going to get it...i think i even said in the last post somewhere...well i didn't and when i got the news man i did the usual dave bullshit i blew up and started fighting with my boss...i did not think i was going to handle the news that way...well after time to reflect about their decision i have come to the conclusion that once again they were right...fuck them...man that pisses me off more than the rejection...so now i am on the path of self awareness at work and i going to be totally selfish and concentrate on me and me alone...i need to make some frickin money and nobody is going to give it to me...i have been waiting...nothing....
so all in all i guess my life journey is chugging along at the speed that it supposed to be going...to me it is taking way to long but you can't rush perfection...because if you have to be a FAT WHITE BEARDED BALD MAN you would want to me because i am the best i have seen...as always good night and good luck.....
so i am still going strong on the life change plan...had a weigh in 2day...down 38 lbs total...almost at my first real goal of being in the 450s...how dumb does that sound getting excited about the possibility of weighing 450 frickin pounds...still working out not like a mad man yet but i have managed to add day and things seem to be getting easier for me to accomplish...now don't get the wrong idea they are taxing me so don't think i am slacking...i am just not getting as winded or sore any more thank god....jillian and bob would be so proud of me...now just need to get the mental thing in line and i my have a chance to be a complete man...nahhhhh...but maybe....
work, well that on the other hand has not been so easy...let me tell how retarded i am...what kind of idiot takes a check over the phone for $10k...well this idiot does...and guess what....you sitting down...thats right it FUCKING bounced...along with it bouncing which from the last time i saw it.. it is still going with little sign of slowing down...it took $600 out of my pocket and even worse in my eyes, i cost the company money and did not pay for myself last month...oh well i guess i need short memory...what was i talking about oh yea the hotties on dancing with the stars and how i am going to become a ballroom dancer...
for my last update i did in fact not get the promotion i put in for....i knew i was not going to get it...i think i even said in the last post somewhere...well i didn't and when i got the news man i did the usual dave bullshit i blew up and started fighting with my boss...i did not think i was going to handle the news that way...well after time to reflect about their decision i have come to the conclusion that once again they were right...fuck them...man that pisses me off more than the rejection...so now i am on the path of self awareness at work and i going to be totally selfish and concentrate on me and me alone...i need to make some frickin money and nobody is going to give it to me...i have been waiting...nothing....
so all in all i guess my life journey is chugging along at the speed that it supposed to be going...to me it is taking way to long but you can't rush perfection...because if you have to be a FAT WHITE BEARDED BALD MAN you would want to me because i am the best i have seen...as always good night and good luck.....
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Pizza And Wings...There Is No Substitute....
well it has been a very tring time...i have been struggling with this whole life change thing...ok to tell the truth there have been at least 3 days that i have not made my bed and there are dirty dishes in the sink...what the fuck man i was doing so well...is this it? is this the beginning of the end for the great overhaul...it seems that i have been struggling in all aspects of my life...work has been a grind...this fat thing has been tortuous and i just seem to be really pissed off all the time...i think that the voices in my head are starting to get the best of me and they are fighting all the improvements i am tring to make....
i have been seriously considering going to some kind of counseling, but how the fuck do you do that? do you just pick up phonebook and pick someone you want to go unload your shit on...i dont know if anyone has any ideas please let me know...
it seems that or it has been pointed out to me that i am not motivated in the great dave reduction that i once was...i am not sure if that is totally true, but it might be...i do really well during the week and the weekend comes and i...well lets just say i do not do so well...i think it is because i am so lonely...i sit here combing the internet and my phone searching for someone to interact with...anyone really....
i was so relieved to come back to here because of all the people i know and love are here...i thought this time would be different...i would have something or someone to do things with all the time...yes my friends and family are here but they have their own lives and families now and it seems that i am more alone than ever...i know it is not true and that they care about me and how i am doing, but it does not fill the time on the weekends...i know that i sound like a whiny bitch right now, but i cant help it...
so maybe counselling will help,,,it was also pointed out to me that the exercise and diet that i am tring to do will prob not work until i find the real issue that is wrong with me...i know what is wrong with me...i have been watching the biggest loser and my problems are the same as theirs i feel that i am not good enough for anything good to happen to me..or for anyone one to love me..or for me to even love myself...so here i sit coming up on midnight on a sat night alone complaining in a blog that i am not sure anyone cares to read unless i ask them too...man that if that is not going to depress you then nothing will...wahoooo
let me give you a small example of how pathetic i feel right now...i started chatting with this young lady i went school with and she reminded me of how i picked her and her date up and took them to prom in my dads town car...so i proceeded to thank her for reminding me that i could not find a date that i was relegated to driving other couples to senior prom...nice huh..then the bomb of all bombs came and she says what are you bitching about i would gone with you if you asked me...how is that supposed to make me feel better...i was a scared fat kid in school that was border line bully to over compensate for my size and i find out 23 yrs later that i could of had a date to prom...good god that is the story of my life...i always seem to find out the important shit after it is too late....
well enough with the self loathing shit for now i am going to get back to my true love...i know they will never let me down..they are always there no matter the weather time or my mood...yes you guessed it i am talking about PIZZA and WINGS...until next time when i describe what it is like to post or interview for a job you know you can do and are qualified for and not get it because of your past...until then..be safe and good night and good luck.....
i have been seriously considering going to some kind of counseling, but how the fuck do you do that? do you just pick up phonebook and pick someone you want to go unload your shit on...i dont know if anyone has any ideas please let me know...
it seems that or it has been pointed out to me that i am not motivated in the great dave reduction that i once was...i am not sure if that is totally true, but it might be...i do really well during the week and the weekend comes and i...well lets just say i do not do so well...i think it is because i am so lonely...i sit here combing the internet and my phone searching for someone to interact with...anyone really....
i was so relieved to come back to here because of all the people i know and love are here...i thought this time would be different...i would have something or someone to do things with all the time...yes my friends and family are here but they have their own lives and families now and it seems that i am more alone than ever...i know it is not true and that they care about me and how i am doing, but it does not fill the time on the weekends...i know that i sound like a whiny bitch right now, but i cant help it...
so maybe counselling will help,,,it was also pointed out to me that the exercise and diet that i am tring to do will prob not work until i find the real issue that is wrong with me...i know what is wrong with me...i have been watching the biggest loser and my problems are the same as theirs i feel that i am not good enough for anything good to happen to me..or for anyone one to love me..or for me to even love myself...so here i sit coming up on midnight on a sat night alone complaining in a blog that i am not sure anyone cares to read unless i ask them too...man that if that is not going to depress you then nothing will...wahoooo
let me give you a small example of how pathetic i feel right now...i started chatting with this young lady i went school with and she reminded me of how i picked her and her date up and took them to prom in my dads town car...so i proceeded to thank her for reminding me that i could not find a date that i was relegated to driving other couples to senior prom...nice huh..then the bomb of all bombs came and she says what are you bitching about i would gone with you if you asked me...how is that supposed to make me feel better...i was a scared fat kid in school that was border line bully to over compensate for my size and i find out 23 yrs later that i could of had a date to prom...good god that is the story of my life...i always seem to find out the important shit after it is too late....
well enough with the self loathing shit for now i am going to get back to my true love...i know they will never let me down..they are always there no matter the weather time or my mood...yes you guessed it i am talking about PIZZA and WINGS...until next time when i describe what it is like to post or interview for a job you know you can do and are qualified for and not get it because of your past...until then..be safe and good night and good luck.....
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Why Lord Whyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well here it is my weekly update and i am proud to say that i am still fat...no check that i am.. how do they put it morbidly obese...yes that is it...any way i am working hard at it and nothing seems to be happening...i dont understand.. i mean one day i woke up and i was like this...it had to happen over night right???? what was it i ate that day??? well anyway i am changing my weigh in day from thursday afternoon to monday morning...that just seems smart to me...how about you???
so i still dont have new # of weight loss and people are starting to tell me that they can see a difference...of course they can see a difference i am not carrying hamburgers and rolled up pizzas in my pockets any more for a snack...i wonder since i have cleaned out my pockets if that is why i have lost the weight so far??? things that you make you hum???i think i am losing weight i can feel it i think...i mean there does not seem to be as much of me when i caress myself for my nightly massage...sorry about that image just thought you might need to...well i am not sure but have fun getting rid of it....
anyway i supposed to go shopping tuesday at lunch with the corporal...god only knows what she is gonna want me to buy...short one tonight as always stay safe and GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!
so i still dont have new # of weight loss and people are starting to tell me that they can see a difference...of course they can see a difference i am not carrying hamburgers and rolled up pizzas in my pockets any more for a snack...i wonder since i have cleaned out my pockets if that is why i have lost the weight so far??? things that you make you hum???i think i am losing weight i can feel it i think...i mean there does not seem to be as much of me when i caress myself for my nightly massage...sorry about that image just thought you might need to...well i am not sure but have fun getting rid of it....
anyway i supposed to go shopping tuesday at lunch with the corporal...god only knows what she is gonna want me to buy...short one tonight as always stay safe and GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Thats Right Another 5lbs Gone...So Whats Next VEGAS Baby!!!!!!!!!
i know this is not on time, but i had a tumultuous week...lets see what happened first last week?....well it started with a nice little surprise monday morning...so how to put this ummmm....lets just say after 40 yrs of eating one way then all sudden changing it...well lets just say there was blockage bloating and pain....so i had to miss my monday training session...great start huh?...hey do you think anyone could warn me about the possibility of that happening...NO...thanks guys...is there any other small tidbit of info that might important to this process...
so back to it on tues...back on the tread mill...still no pot and pans so i have not been following the diet to closely...no dinner and still have been eating out all the time...wends more of the same...thursday training day...and what do you know there were a beautiful set of new pot and pans waiting for me...no more excuses...shit i guess now i need to start eating vegtables...shit...what the hell...how much more can i do...any way what the fuck are veggies anyway...i thought that they were only consumed in california with all the spout heads...
so before each work out on thurs i go and get on the scale...and low and behold another 5lbs...for a grand total of 10 lbs in 2 weeks...well i hope that i keep on my schedule of 5 per week...well not sure if can keep that up...so being the smart man that i am i came up with the perfect plan to celebrate my huge success...VEGAS BABY...buffets poker buffets black jack did i mention the buffets...now i know what you are thinking why celebrate now after only 2 weeks...well it is simple really i dont that i have been committed to anything like this for 2 weeks straight...so lets celebrate...
so now it is monday evening...i am back from vegas and proud to announce only one buffet was terrorized by me and i was so tired from being up for 35 hrs straight that i dont think i got my monies worth...shit vegas even beat me there what the fuck that has always been a sure win for me...i did make it up this morning to go train...but that seemed to be a mistake...just did not get it this day...not feeling like expressing myself at 630am on a monday so i tend to be a little grumpy...hey what can you do the teddy bear in me does not wake up until tues or wends in the week...i guess i was not socialized properly as a puppy...
well not going to weigh in this week i celebrated a little to much this last weekend...maybe it was the 100 chicken nuggets we bought on the way home from vegas...i f you ever want to see a micky ds blow up and freak everyone out go in and order 100 nuggets and a diet coke...fucking hilarious...
so i am back at home eating my first home cooked meal..cheese burger and broccoli...and to challenge my manhood i am sitting watching dancing with the stars...omg is all i have to say about that..well gotta go edyta is about go up...be safe and GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK....
so back to it on tues...back on the tread mill...still no pot and pans so i have not been following the diet to closely...no dinner and still have been eating out all the time...wends more of the same...thursday training day...and what do you know there were a beautiful set of new pot and pans waiting for me...no more excuses...shit i guess now i need to start eating vegtables...shit...what the hell...how much more can i do...any way what the fuck are veggies anyway...i thought that they were only consumed in california with all the spout heads...
so before each work out on thurs i go and get on the scale...and low and behold another 5lbs...for a grand total of 10 lbs in 2 weeks...well i hope that i keep on my schedule of 5 per week...well not sure if can keep that up...so being the smart man that i am i came up with the perfect plan to celebrate my huge success...VEGAS BABY...buffets poker buffets black jack did i mention the buffets...now i know what you are thinking why celebrate now after only 2 weeks...well it is simple really i dont that i have been committed to anything like this for 2 weeks straight...so lets celebrate...
so now it is monday evening...i am back from vegas and proud to announce only one buffet was terrorized by me and i was so tired from being up for 35 hrs straight that i dont think i got my monies worth...shit vegas even beat me there what the fuck that has always been a sure win for me...i did make it up this morning to go train...but that seemed to be a mistake...just did not get it this day...not feeling like expressing myself at 630am on a monday so i tend to be a little grumpy...hey what can you do the teddy bear in me does not wake up until tues or wends in the week...i guess i was not socialized properly as a puppy...
well not going to weigh in this week i celebrated a little to much this last weekend...maybe it was the 100 chicken nuggets we bought on the way home from vegas...i f you ever want to see a micky ds blow up and freak everyone out go in and order 100 nuggets and a diet coke...fucking hilarious...
so i am back at home eating my first home cooked meal..cheese burger and broccoli...and to challenge my manhood i am sitting watching dancing with the stars...omg is all i have to say about that..well gotta go edyta is about go up...be safe and GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK....
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Yipeeeeee Success!!!!! Weight Loss!!!!!! Time To Binge!!!!!
well 2day was my first weigh in day...after a grueling week and a half of watching what i ate (which is really stupid to me because in 40 yrs of living i dont think i have ever eaten anything that i did not see...and that is alot of food let me tell you)... so after that hell week and a half and 4 grueling workouts totalling maybe 42mins...i have accomplished what most said could not be done....
thats right ladys and gentlemen weight loss...not much mind you but something...well are you ready...maybe you might want sit down for this...well here it is the magic # 5.4 lbs...thats right all in one week...i know it is amazing...i would not try this at home if i were an average person...luckily i am a trained professional...
well now that i have shown i can do it...lets see how much weight i can carry before i am bed ridden...i am taking bets let me know it has the potential to be a huge pool...stay tuned more to come on my progress...GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!
thats right ladys and gentlemen weight loss...not much mind you but something...well are you ready...maybe you might want sit down for this...well here it is the magic # 5.4 lbs...thats right all in one week...i know it is amazing...i would not try this at home if i were an average person...luckily i am a trained professional...
well now that i have shown i can do it...lets see how much weight i can carry before i am bed ridden...i am taking bets let me know it has the potential to be a huge pool...stay tuned more to come on my progress...GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I Am Sorry For All The Disapointments!!!!
well tomorrow is 13years and it seems like yesterday when i woke up and and picked up the phone at 5:15am to see how bart did in his tournament...when i heard the beeping i knew in my heart that it was not the results i was looking for...i knew it was bad and it was...it was the worse...that is the day that i found out what it means to be alone...
i want to take this minute to let you how sorry i am for not living up to who you thought i would be or could be...as you know i have never cared what else anyone has said or thought about me...and now at 40 i might be seeing what you spent the last 30yrs of your life trying to instill in me...i know that i have never lived up to the talent you thought or knew i had or have...so here i am trying to start my life over yet one more time to show what kind of man you raised...i have come home tail between my legs with nothing...i have been broken to the point of no return it seems...i have learned humility...i have learned that i do not know everything that i thought i did...i have learned all those years of trying to be unlike you were wasted in vain...i have finally come to the conclusion that to be like you could be the greatest compliment or accomplishment i could have...
there is not a night for the last 13yrs that you have not come to me in my dreams...i know you are there i can see you and it seems as much as i try i cant get close enough to you to talk to or hug you...i am not sure if you just watching me or if you are to disgusted to talk me...either way i know you are there and it comforts me...i yern to talk to you and tell you how sorry i am for everything...all the way back to elementary school i have tried to find the easy way the short cut...never wanting to the work for what it requires just to live...so now i am back in the place where you raised me trying to rebuild or start my life and i am scared...i have come back here hoping to be closer to you and everyone i know only to find that i have the same feeling that i got when i come home from school...i still have friends but they have all moved on and have their own lives they are living and i feel more alone than ever...
i wish i came back when i said i would on christmas...i just could not bare to see you in that condition of giving up...even though i have spent my life trying not to be like you...you were and always will be larger than life to me...i get to sit and listen to people tell stories about you...it almost seems like you were a mythical person not real with the love that is in the stories but i knew you were and took advantage of it thinking that you would be there forever...now i know i will never get the chance to say thank you for every sacrifice and all the opportunities you afforded me...
so this is going to have to do...here is an update of me...in the last 13yrs i have blown thru more money than most people make in 20 yrs...i moved to alaska for 9 yrs worked on the radio as the morning show host...became so good at it that i got promoted to general manager of the station...blew my self up had to leave the state...moved to ohio..cleveland for 3yrs...bad things there so i had the brilliant idea to pick and go to portland or...well shit not sure how it happened but that was worse than cleveland...now i am back home trying to change everything to be a fraction of the man you were...
i have had a pretty good start got my own place...job is going well...got new car (well new to me)...and to continue the journey of self awareness i am trying to live healthier and loose weight...not sure if it is going to work but i am trying none the less...i can tell that i am tired of being lonely and know that if i dont change my life i will be talking to you sooner than later...
well on this anniversary i want to say i love you...i miss you and there is not a day that goes by that i am not working to be more the man you thought i can be or could be...god bless you and thank you for being my dad....
i want to take this minute to let you how sorry i am for not living up to who you thought i would be or could be...as you know i have never cared what else anyone has said or thought about me...and now at 40 i might be seeing what you spent the last 30yrs of your life trying to instill in me...i know that i have never lived up to the talent you thought or knew i had or have...so here i am trying to start my life over yet one more time to show what kind of man you raised...i have come home tail between my legs with nothing...i have been broken to the point of no return it seems...i have learned humility...i have learned that i do not know everything that i thought i did...i have learned all those years of trying to be unlike you were wasted in vain...i have finally come to the conclusion that to be like you could be the greatest compliment or accomplishment i could have...
there is not a night for the last 13yrs that you have not come to me in my dreams...i know you are there i can see you and it seems as much as i try i cant get close enough to you to talk to or hug you...i am not sure if you just watching me or if you are to disgusted to talk me...either way i know you are there and it comforts me...i yern to talk to you and tell you how sorry i am for everything...all the way back to elementary school i have tried to find the easy way the short cut...never wanting to the work for what it requires just to live...so now i am back in the place where you raised me trying to rebuild or start my life and i am scared...i have come back here hoping to be closer to you and everyone i know only to find that i have the same feeling that i got when i come home from school...i still have friends but they have all moved on and have their own lives they are living and i feel more alone than ever...
i wish i came back when i said i would on christmas...i just could not bare to see you in that condition of giving up...even though i have spent my life trying not to be like you...you were and always will be larger than life to me...i get to sit and listen to people tell stories about you...it almost seems like you were a mythical person not real with the love that is in the stories but i knew you were and took advantage of it thinking that you would be there forever...now i know i will never get the chance to say thank you for every sacrifice and all the opportunities you afforded me...
so this is going to have to do...here is an update of me...in the last 13yrs i have blown thru more money than most people make in 20 yrs...i moved to alaska for 9 yrs worked on the radio as the morning show host...became so good at it that i got promoted to general manager of the station...blew my self up had to leave the state...moved to ohio..cleveland for 3yrs...bad things there so i had the brilliant idea to pick and go to portland or...well shit not sure how it happened but that was worse than cleveland...now i am back home trying to change everything to be a fraction of the man you were...
i have had a pretty good start got my own place...job is going well...got new car (well new to me)...and to continue the journey of self awareness i am trying to live healthier and loose weight...not sure if it is going to work but i am trying none the less...i can tell that i am tired of being lonely and know that if i dont change my life i will be talking to you sooner than later...
well on this anniversary i want to say i love you...i miss you and there is not a day that goes by that i am not working to be more the man you thought i can be or could be...god bless you and thank you for being my dad....
Thursday, March 4, 2010
New Job? Poster Boy For A Womans Health Club!!!!! Yipeeeeeee
yes i know it has been a while since we have talked...i have had alot to say really...just unmotivated or lazy...well lets see where were we? i was planning to go get nuclear waste shot thru my body to check out my heart...luckily my numbers were so good that they did not have that...thank god was not looking forward to glowing in the dark...i mean really that is the only time i like to look in the mirror when it is pitch black...i mean i stand there in the dark and marvel at how much i look like tom cruise (but taller) or brad pitt...sometimes i might even do it naked...i usually have to be drunk for that to happen though...let me tell you something for all those who have not seen me in sometime i look dam good in a dark bathroom in the mirror...
enough about loving me where was i? oh yea the heart doc said that i was fine just need to lose weight...no shit thats why i am here so i can start with out killing me with a heart attack...so after some intense counseling (travis what would you do?) we came to the conclusion that i would join his gym...great idea he goes there his family goes there...it will be awesome i wont be alone i will have some motivation im in...where does he work out at la fitness, balleys fuck no he is at a country club...you know the kind where bif and bambi are rushing from the putting green to make their tennis lessons...ya that place...so i get over it and finally call to sign up...they go over the rates and kindly tell that does not include a tee shirt when signing up...now i am pissed cause i do need a tee shirt...well anyway i suck it and set up an appointment to sign up...
so the big day comes and i go and join...nice place...newly remodeled..i did notice that there are not to many fat people there though...more on that later...so the lady introduces me to tyler the gm of the gym...well shit when he sees me his eyes get all big and glossy and he is thrilled to death to have a project...think of the advertising look at what we did with him...so eagerly sits down and proceeds to tell me about the trainers and the nutritionist he is going to set me up with...i am like ok ahuh...so we are finishing and asks me to email him my schedule so he can have a trainer get ahold me and set up training times...well i am like and starting to get excited...well that was on a friday...on tues i am like starting to get aggravated with no call so i call tyler and like whats up i thought someone was going to be calling me...i tried my typical bullshit of putting it on him for not following through...well of course he called me on it and i gave him my schedule...first thing that caught my eye about this guy...
well i am sitting at work on wend or thurs and my cell rings 10 min before i am off of work and it some lady named well lets just say some lady...so i told her i could not talk and that i needed her to call back in 10mins...she was cool and said ok great...well 25mins later i am still waiting for the call and i am thinking this is familiar so i call her back...turns out she is from another gym a "WOMANS GYM" and she said tyler said she should call me in for a consult...so we set it up for friday yet gain...i show up and it is in this expensive looking medical center and it named core life...so i go in and start talking to the young lady...you know the kind real small and overly bubbly kind of like a cheerleader on a perm caffeine high...lets call her pixie...so i am talking to pixie about what i want from this and what i am looking for when all of a sudden tyler walks in to be a part of my consult...shit this is not even his gym...(FUCKING COOL ASS MOVE I AM TOTALLY IMPRESSED THAT HE SHOWED UP FOR THAT)...CLASS ACT...so immediately i realize that this is an intervention and i am screwed....
so we go thru the whole ordeal and they have everything i need there so i am going to get my eating under control lose some weight and then maybe just maybe i will be good enough to go back to the country club...
well i have had 2 workouts..my first trainer pawned me off like tyler did so now i am not just fighting to lose weight and get healthy...i have abandonment issues i need to get resolved...its ok though i think it is going to be good for me toughen me up some cause you all know what a skirt i am...i met with the nutritionist she is going to take me shopping at the grocery store and teach how to shop...so it is cool...so i am in there 2day and asked pixie who the biggest person they have trained is...can you guess let me give you a hint...my before picture is going to be on their advertising poster saying "if we help him just think what we can to with you"...nice huh? still no tee shirt though...
enough of that crap...i am fine...bought a new used truck...dodge ram charger...clean as hell...finally i can get in and out of my car without have to grease myself up with lard to get in and out of it like i did with the altima...work good...all is well and i am still making my bed everyday...so until next time remember if you need a good womans gym call me i know of one that i seem to like so far....
enough about loving me where was i? oh yea the heart doc said that i was fine just need to lose weight...no shit thats why i am here so i can start with out killing me with a heart attack...so after some intense counseling (travis what would you do?) we came to the conclusion that i would join his gym...great idea he goes there his family goes there...it will be awesome i wont be alone i will have some motivation im in...where does he work out at la fitness, balleys fuck no he is at a country club...you know the kind where bif and bambi are rushing from the putting green to make their tennis lessons...ya that place...so i get over it and finally call to sign up...they go over the rates and kindly tell that does not include a tee shirt when signing up...now i am pissed cause i do need a tee shirt...well anyway i suck it and set up an appointment to sign up...
so the big day comes and i go and join...nice place...newly remodeled..i did notice that there are not to many fat people there though...more on that later...so the lady introduces me to tyler the gm of the gym...well shit when he sees me his eyes get all big and glossy and he is thrilled to death to have a project...think of the advertising look at what we did with him...so eagerly sits down and proceeds to tell me about the trainers and the nutritionist he is going to set me up with...i am like ok ahuh...so we are finishing and asks me to email him my schedule so he can have a trainer get ahold me and set up training times...well i am like and starting to get excited...well that was on a friday...on tues i am like starting to get aggravated with no call so i call tyler and like whats up i thought someone was going to be calling me...i tried my typical bullshit of putting it on him for not following through...well of course he called me on it and i gave him my schedule...first thing that caught my eye about this guy...
well i am sitting at work on wend or thurs and my cell rings 10 min before i am off of work and it some lady named well lets just say some lady...so i told her i could not talk and that i needed her to call back in 10mins...she was cool and said ok great...well 25mins later i am still waiting for the call and i am thinking this is familiar so i call her back...turns out she is from another gym a "WOMANS GYM" and she said tyler said she should call me in for a consult...so we set it up for friday yet gain...i show up and it is in this expensive looking medical center and it named core life...so i go in and start talking to the young lady...you know the kind real small and overly bubbly kind of like a cheerleader on a perm caffeine high...lets call her pixie...so i am talking to pixie about what i want from this and what i am looking for when all of a sudden tyler walks in to be a part of my consult...shit this is not even his gym...(FUCKING COOL ASS MOVE I AM TOTALLY IMPRESSED THAT HE SHOWED UP FOR THAT)...CLASS ACT...so immediately i realize that this is an intervention and i am screwed....
so we go thru the whole ordeal and they have everything i need there so i am going to get my eating under control lose some weight and then maybe just maybe i will be good enough to go back to the country club...
well i have had 2 workouts..my first trainer pawned me off like tyler did so now i am not just fighting to lose weight and get healthy...i have abandonment issues i need to get resolved...its ok though i think it is going to be good for me toughen me up some cause you all know what a skirt i am...i met with the nutritionist she is going to take me shopping at the grocery store and teach how to shop...so it is cool...so i am in there 2day and asked pixie who the biggest person they have trained is...can you guess let me give you a hint...my before picture is going to be on their advertising poster saying "if we help him just think what we can to with you"...nice huh? still no tee shirt though...
enough of that crap...i am fine...bought a new used truck...dodge ram charger...clean as hell...finally i can get in and out of my car without have to grease myself up with lard to get in and out of it like i did with the altima...work good...all is well and i am still making my bed everyday...so until next time remember if you need a good womans gym call me i know of one that i seem to like so far....
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Stop My Blow Hole Is Covered!!!!
well i have made a major decision in my life...i know you are all glued to edge of your seats wondering what it could be...and enough of you have been curious about my trip to the heart clinic...well i have been thinking about that...i did go and i am going to go again on the 20th for my NUCLEAR STRESS TEST...i am not sure about you but putting toxic waste in my blood and revving up my heart to the point of explosion sounds like a great fucking time to me...how about you?...more on the doctor later...back to my decision...
for those of you that knew me back in kotz as deadair dave you might remember that every Wednesday was a big event for a while...i did guess my weight...well for those who dont know it was a contest i did on my radio show...i would open the phone lines every wends at 10am for people to call in and guess my weight...yes the fat man went on a diet...and to top it off i decided to humiliate myself at the same time...if you guessed my weight, then i bought a pizza and delivered to them for lunch...if i couldn't have it then somebody should...well i ended losing about 120lbs...
so i went to the heart institute to begin my check up...well travis ended up taking me there because he did not think i would show by myself...so off we went last wend the 6th...we got there bright and early and i check in...then they took me back to get my ekg...then back out front until they call me again to go meet the doctor...when i was on my way back we stopped at the most frightening thing in the doctors office THE SCALE...i looked at the nurse and said is that the industrial strenght scale...she said yes so i mounted it...and the next thing you hear is bang...it about scared the crap out of me...it was the scale slamming to the bottom...so i stood there for awhile and the nurse goes wow...i was like wow what does that mean?? she said thats a lot...and the # is are you ready? wait for it? 488lbs...holy shit i did not think that they had scales that go that high...
well then the doc comes in and looks at me and asks why i am there...so i tell i wanna change and loose some weight...he then looks at me then checks my charts and says that might be a good idea...no shit doc...he then proceed to schedule my next round of tests...i get my blood work done then off to get me a heart sonogram...so back out to the front to wait for my name to be called...when it does it is by this tiny little lady who is middle aged and well i am embarrassed to say but shit she was hot...so we get back to our room and she asks me to strip...i am thinking hubba hubba...then she says just my shirt...well this is not going to be fun or flattering...then she says get up on the table and just relax...sure you are not 488 pounds half naked laying on a table in front of a hottie technician...
so the procedure begins and is moving along quite nicely when she asks me to hold a fat roll up so she can get a better reading...no shame here...then she asks me to lay on my left side for the next part of the test...i say well i am not sure i can do that...she stops and looks at me and i say i will be covering my blow hole and wont be able to breathe...anyway the test is concluded...and i am done for the day...they tell me to come back on the 20th for the stress test and my results...to me that means i have 14 days to eat and drink anything and everything i see...
so back to my decision i am going to document it here the trials and tribulations of my weight loss...should be fun...well at least there will be a lot more material here...stay tuned more to come....
for those of you that knew me back in kotz as deadair dave you might remember that every Wednesday was a big event for a while...i did guess my weight...well for those who dont know it was a contest i did on my radio show...i would open the phone lines every wends at 10am for people to call in and guess my weight...yes the fat man went on a diet...and to top it off i decided to humiliate myself at the same time...if you guessed my weight, then i bought a pizza and delivered to them for lunch...if i couldn't have it then somebody should...well i ended losing about 120lbs...
so i went to the heart institute to begin my check up...well travis ended up taking me there because he did not think i would show by myself...so off we went last wend the 6th...we got there bright and early and i check in...then they took me back to get my ekg...then back out front until they call me again to go meet the doctor...when i was on my way back we stopped at the most frightening thing in the doctors office THE SCALE...i looked at the nurse and said is that the industrial strenght scale...she said yes so i mounted it...and the next thing you hear is bang...it about scared the crap out of me...it was the scale slamming to the bottom...so i stood there for awhile and the nurse goes wow...i was like wow what does that mean?? she said thats a lot...and the # is are you ready? wait for it? 488lbs...holy shit i did not think that they had scales that go that high...
well then the doc comes in and looks at me and asks why i am there...so i tell i wanna change and loose some weight...he then looks at me then checks my charts and says that might be a good idea...no shit doc...he then proceed to schedule my next round of tests...i get my blood work done then off to get me a heart sonogram...so back out to the front to wait for my name to be called...when it does it is by this tiny little lady who is middle aged and well i am embarrassed to say but shit she was hot...so we get back to our room and she asks me to strip...i am thinking hubba hubba...then she says just my shirt...well this is not going to be fun or flattering...then she says get up on the table and just relax...sure you are not 488 pounds half naked laying on a table in front of a hottie technician...
so the procedure begins and is moving along quite nicely when she asks me to hold a fat roll up so she can get a better reading...no shame here...then she asks me to lay on my left side for the next part of the test...i say well i am not sure i can do that...she stops and looks at me and i say i will be covering my blow hole and wont be able to breathe...anyway the test is concluded...and i am done for the day...they tell me to come back on the 20th for the stress test and my results...to me that means i have 14 days to eat and drink anything and everything i see...
so back to my decision i am going to document it here the trials and tribulations of my weight loss...should be fun...well at least there will be a lot more material here...stay tuned more to come....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
