yes i know it has been a while since we have talked...i have had alot to say really...just unmotivated or lazy...well lets see where were we? i was planning to go get nuclear waste shot thru my body to check out my heart...luckily my numbers were so good that they did not have that...thank god was not looking forward to glowing in the dark...i mean really that is the only time i like to look in the mirror when it is pitch black...i mean i stand there in the dark and marvel at how much i look like tom cruise (but taller) or brad pitt...sometimes i might even do it naked...i usually have to be drunk for that to happen though...let me tell you something for all those who have not seen me in sometime i look dam good in a dark bathroom in the mirror...
enough about loving me where was i? oh yea the heart doc said that i was fine just need to lose weight...no shit thats why i am here so i can start with out killing me with a heart attack...so after some intense counseling (travis what would you do?) we came to the conclusion that i would join his gym...great idea he goes there his family goes there...it will be awesome i wont be alone i will have some motivation im in...where does he work out at la fitness, balleys fuck no he is at a country club...you know the kind where bif and bambi are rushing from the putting green to make their tennis lessons...ya that place...so i get over it and finally call to sign up...they go over the rates and kindly tell that does not include a tee shirt when signing up...now i am pissed cause i do need a tee shirt...well anyway i suck it and set up an appointment to sign up...
so the big day comes and i go and join...nice place...newly remodeled..i did notice that there are not to many fat people there though...more on that later...so the lady introduces me to tyler the gm of the gym...well shit when he sees me his eyes get all big and glossy and he is thrilled to death to have a project...think of the advertising look at what we did with him...so eagerly sits down and proceeds to tell me about the trainers and the nutritionist he is going to set me up with...i am like ok ahuh...so we are finishing and asks me to email him my schedule so he can have a trainer get ahold me and set up training times...well i am like and starting to get excited...well that was on a friday...on tues i am like starting to get aggravated with no call so i call tyler and like whats up i thought someone was going to be calling me...i tried my typical bullshit of putting it on him for not following through...well of course he called me on it and i gave him my schedule...first thing that caught my eye about this guy...
well i am sitting at work on wend or thurs and my cell rings 10 min before i am off of work and it some lady named well lets just say some lady...so i told her i could not talk and that i needed her to call back in 10mins...she was cool and said ok great...well 25mins later i am still waiting for the call and i am thinking this is familiar so i call her back...turns out she is from another gym a "WOMANS GYM" and she said tyler said she should call me in for a consult...so we set it up for friday yet gain...i show up and it is in this expensive looking medical center and it named core life...so i go in and start talking to the young lady...you know the kind real small and overly bubbly kind of like a cheerleader on a perm caffeine high...lets call her pixie...so i am talking to pixie about what i want from this and what i am looking for when all of a sudden tyler walks in to be a part of my consult...shit this is not even his gym...(FUCKING COOL ASS MOVE I AM TOTALLY IMPRESSED THAT HE SHOWED UP FOR THAT)...CLASS ACT...so immediately i realize that this is an intervention and i am screwed....
so we go thru the whole ordeal and they have everything i need there so i am going to get my eating under control lose some weight and then maybe just maybe i will be good enough to go back to the country club...
well i have had 2 workouts..my first trainer pawned me off like tyler did so now i am not just fighting to lose weight and get healthy...i have abandonment issues i need to get resolved...its ok though i think it is going to be good for me toughen me up some cause you all know what a skirt i am...i met with the nutritionist she is going to take me shopping at the grocery store and teach how to shop...so it is cool...so i am in there 2day and asked pixie who the biggest person they have trained is...can you guess let me give you a hint...my before picture is going to be on their advertising poster saying "if we help him just think what we can to with you"...nice huh? still no tee shirt though...
enough of that crap...i am fine...bought a new used truck...dodge ram charger...clean as hell...finally i can get in and out of my car without have to grease myself up with lard to get in and out of it like i did with the altima...work good...all is well and i am still making my bed everyday...so until next time remember if you need a good womans gym call me i know of one that i seem to like so far....
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So...Dave, like the blog! This is your first trainer that asks a million questions first thing in the morning when you don't feel like talking, not to mention the fact that I am purposely making you breathe hard and expecting you to answer at the same time. I'm glad Tyler asked me to start working with you because I like grouchy, cranky people that hate to do what I ask them. Kind of gives me a warm fuzzy feeling like one of my teenagers! Hope you had a good workout today and I have a week and a half to plan an extra special workout just for you.
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