i can hear it cracking...bending straining...this fucking branch that i am out on is about to break...well it is not really a branch but more of limb that i find myself on...and yes i have put myself here for a reason...what i dont know...yes i do it is part of me doing the exact opposite of what i would normally do...hey it seems to be working...i have a place to stay i start job on monday and i have revelled my heart to someone...yes that is right i am smitten with someone and she is not a stripper...well i dont think she is....no she isnt...more on that later....
first the place to stay...i am staying with this guy that used to know 20 years ago...we were partners at sears carpeting cleaning...when i first started i was his bitch...in other words he was the lead tech...it was probably one of the funnest times of my life...well anyway he found me when i was in portland and homeless and offered me a room to stay in...how fucking awesome is that...i hadnt seen or really talked to him for 20 some odd years and here he is offering to bring me into his home...not sure how i am going to repay him...maybe i will get lucky and he will need a kidney or something...other than that i guess thank you is going to have to work for the rest of my life....so let me start here and now for everyone to see....THANK YOU MAN...if you do need a kidney i am here for you...that goes for bone marrow too...let me know...you know the room....
now for the job thing...once again this was gonna be something that i swore i would never do...i refused to go there...but here i am not only going there but now starting to work there on monday...so on thursday i find myself going to mans office...not sure what i am going to do when i go in praying that he is not in...but of course he is there...and i break down...man that was one of the hardest things i have had to do...and i want to say i am sorry...i never meant to hurt the family...because you are my family my only family ....i will not let you down or embarrass you....
now for the real reason i am out on limb...i did it...i told her just how i feel...yet i cant seem to get it out here...it has been a long time for me to feel this way about someone...shit i have know her forever also...or let me say i knew her forever ago...we went to school together when i was a senior...and yes for those of you wondering i thought or knew i did not have a chance then either...so imagine my surprise when she started talking to me...i tried not let her know that i was falling for her...but i guess i am not as mysterious as i thought i was...i can say this though i am not very good at the girlie talk cutie name saying or expressing my emotions...well at least these emotions...so here i am telling everyone i have fallen and cant get up nor do i want to get up...i am thoroughly stoked to find out where this goes...you are all that seems to consume my mind while i am sitting at home...i kinda cant wait to start work so i wont be obsessed with you so much and i wont seem clingy...
so there you have it...the limb is straining but holding...the question is is for how long? maybe i should go on a diet to help the limb.....na
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