what the fuck....i thought that i had four days?....thats bullshit 2mrw is the day....so does that mean that i am in my final hours of non conformity?....how about this lets compromise....i promise to become a member of society.....NEXT YEAR....yea when i am 41....that makes more sense to me...that means i have another year to plot and plan....another year of eating like the end is right around the corner...another year of bouncing around not ever putting roots down and tring to succeed...another off pissing in the bushes and trees because i dont own a pot....yea one more year sounds good to me....
my luck i will go thru the whole year of me being me and right at this time next year at the same time when i am finally ready to change because i so tired of being lonely i will die and never get the chance to experience what is right in front of me....i have the chance to end up with some one that blows my mind right now....i dont think i have ever felt this way about someone b4...i am so excited, nervous, scared, jealous, happy, shit every emotion that i can imagine that is what is am...i dont know how to talk to you...oh yea the biggest emotion that i forgot is LOVE...shit it has been so long i am not sure how this is supposed to feel...now that i think about it i dont think i have ever felt this way b4....
ok for the real truth...we have passed the next platue and i am scared when comes time to put up or shut up....i cant believe i am going to say this but i am ASCARED...and i am not sure of myself...it has been a long time...wow...i must be a girl now....no there is the pressure of disappointing someone you have fallen in love with...shit this is more pressure than turning 40...so here is i am back to lets just do this whole thing next year....i will be more prepared for it...i will go out and rent an instructional video and practice....yea that sounds good to me...
i just have this to say to you hollie...i love you more than you or i know as i have said in the past...i just hope you will love me even though my lack of confidence will be there...it is something i will get thru with lots of time and practice...i mean patients....i just hope pray you feel the same way....
so now there is even less time than b4, i guess next year is going to have to wait...because now is my time....i think...now it is david fogleman time...it is time for me to shine in all aspects of my life and in hollies eyes...no pressure bring it on...i am ready....i think
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