well it has been a good run of not being a member of society, but alas all things must come to an end...and now it is my time...i am done...i squandered almost half my life and i dont have a pot to piss in...(literally)...if i wanna go i have to find a bush or a tree...not that it is a bad thing but dam it there has to be more it (life) then this right...all the people i have grown up with have been married have kids houses...a legacy...me if i die 2night there probably wont even be a head stone marking my grave...
now dont get me wrong i am not saying that it has all been shit for me because that is not true...i mean some people marvel at the amount of life i have lived so far...i can count four full different lives in my short 40yrs of existence...not bad...and how the fuck did i do that with out accumulating anything?...mysterious?...anyway i have had my fun, but it is not enough for me anymore...i wanna be loved i wanna love...i dont want to be looked at as a slob any longer...i want to be respected for someone who might know a thing or two (not just sports)...i want to loose weight...dont get me wrong i dont want to be skinny or GQ or anything...i want to be around 300 to 330...that would be great for me...i want to have a nice apt...nothing fancy but some thing that i can be comfortable in...i dont want to have to ration cigars...i want a truck...i want a dog...i want to be emotionally secure...i want to share what life i have left with someone...i think i have alot to offer someone...i want to not feel like a failure when i am around my friends...i want to be a MAN....
see not much...i am not asking for fame or fortune...i just want everything else...so there it is...4 days left until 40...i did not think it would affect me this way hell i thought i would be dead and wouldnt have to deal with it...well the joke is on me yet again...cause is going to happen b4 i know it...so what do i do? how does miraculous transformation take place...how do i undo 40 yrs of doing it wrong and not being a member of society? if somebody is reading this that is not a rhetorical question give me some fucking ideas because i am drawing a blank...how can i have the thing i want the most if i am not happy with myself...
i really dont know...and now i am starting to get fucking pissed off at myself...just being a whining fucking crybaby...so here i sit waiting and wondering if date night is going to happen...odds are that it wont but i am sitting waiting and wanting...4 DAYS....4 DAYS TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT...NO PRESSURE THE CLOCK IS RUNNING...4 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment