Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Stop My Blow Hole Is Covered!!!!

well i have made a major decision in my life...i know you are all glued to edge of your seats wondering what it could be...and enough of you have been curious about my trip to the heart clinic...well i have been thinking about that...i did go and i am going to go again on the 20th for my NUCLEAR STRESS TEST...i am not sure about you but putting toxic waste in my blood and revving up my heart to the point of explosion sounds like a great fucking time to me...how about you?...more on the doctor later...back to my decision...

for those of you that knew me back in kotz as deadair dave you might remember that every Wednesday was a big event for a while...i did guess my weight...well for those who dont know it was a contest i did on my radio show...i would open the phone lines every wends at 10am for people to call in and guess my weight...yes the fat man went on a diet...and to top it off i decided to humiliate myself at the same time...if you guessed my weight, then i bought a pizza and delivered to them for lunch...if i couldn't have it then somebody should...well i ended losing about 120lbs...

so i went to the heart institute to begin my check up...well travis ended up taking me there because he did not think i would show by myself...so off we went last wend the 6th...we got there bright and early and i check in...then they took me back to get my ekg...then back out front until they call me again to go meet the doctor...when i was on my way back we stopped at the most frightening thing in the doctors office THE SCALE...i looked at the nurse and said is that the industrial strenght scale...she said yes so i mounted it...and the next thing you hear is bang...it about scared the crap out of me...it was the scale slamming to the bottom...so i stood there for awhile and the nurse goes wow...i was like wow what does that mean?? she said thats a lot...and the # is are you ready? wait for it? 488lbs...holy shit i did not think that they had scales that go that high...

well then the doc comes in and looks at me and asks why i am there...so i tell i wanna change and loose some weight...he then looks at me then checks my charts and says that might be a good idea...no shit doc...he then proceed to schedule my next round of tests...i get my blood work done then off to get me a heart sonogram...so back out to the front to wait for my name to be called...when it does it is by this tiny little lady who is middle aged and well i am embarrassed to say but shit she was hot...so we get back to our room and she asks me to strip...i am thinking hubba hubba...then she says just my shirt...well this is not going to be fun or flattering...then she says get up on the table and just relax...sure you are not 488 pounds half naked laying on a table in front of a hottie technician...

so the procedure begins and is moving along quite nicely when she asks me to hold a fat roll up so she can get a better reading...no shame here...then she asks me to lay on my left side for the next part of the test...i say well i am not sure i can do that...she stops and looks at me and i say i will be covering my blow hole and wont be able to breathe...anyway the test is concluded...and i am done for the day...they tell me to come back on the 20th for the stress test and my results...to me that means i have 14 days to eat and drink anything and everything i see...

so back to my decision i am going to document it here the trials and tribulations of my weight loss...should be fun...well at least there will be a lot more material here...stay tuned more to come....